shallowz: (H50 - all)
shallowz ([personal profile] shallowz) wrote2011-03-03 09:31 pm

Hawaii Five-0 Writing Exercise: I Count Seven

Title: I Count Seven
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
Word Count: around 570
Warnings/Spoilers: Plot - pfft.
Disclaimer: Not ours, no profit being made, etc. This is just for fun.
Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] dragonfly_sg1 for telling us where it didn’t make sense. (That’s not a guarantee that we fixed it.:))
Writing Exercise: Nicked from [livejournal.com profile] mags_205 who nicked it from author, John Leggett:

“It is surely possible to tell a good story with no scene, no setting at all, no indication of where we are, just as we might expect to enjoy a play presented on a bare stage. If the characters and narrative are strong enough, they will hold our interest without any background.”

From [livejournal.com profile] mags_205: This is a bit easier with fanfiction, we know the characters—but the thought of trying to put the characters into a setting without actually describing it was intriguing. 

~x~X~x~

“I count seven.”

“I concur.”

“Might have some trouble with that.”

“I’m sure we could handle it fine if weren’t for the bleeding wounds.”

“This is a trickle.”

“Steven, may I point out that a trickle is just that. A trickle. That is saturation. There’s a difference.”

“I’ve had worse.”

“I’m sure you have, but it’s your right arm.”

“I can work with it. How’s your leg?”

“The bleeding’s slowed. Nice work with the tourniquet.”

“Your ties do come in handy.”

“You think if we keep letting them shoot at us they’ll eventually run out of ammunition?”

“Still leaves us with two wounded against seven guys who don’t like us.”

“I think it’s your winning personality.”

“I wasn’t the one who told them that they had the collective brain of a gnat. I’m pretty sure that was you.”

“Facts are facts. You busted the biggest one in the balls. I’m certain that had more of an effect.”

“I’m not sure. Some of those guys looked pretty sensitive.”

“What gave you that impression? The tattoos or the over-product hair?”

“One of the tattoos had Mom in a heart.”

“Which one?”

“The guy next to the one I kicked.”

“Mr. Dreads?”

“That’s him.”

“Oedipus complex. How much you want to bet?”

“Ah, Danny, why’d you have to go there? Think I’m gonna be sick.”

“That’s blood loss. There’s about a liter of it under you.”

“I – “

“Dammit!”

“They’re getting closer.”

“Or their aim is improving. Any of that concrete hit you?”

“Small piece hit my head.”

“Oh, not a problem for Mr. Invincible.”

“Yeah, right. You’ve got a cut on the side of your face – no the left side there.”

“Is it bad? I’m suppose to see Gracie this weekend.”

“Nah. Little cover up, you’ll be fine, but how are you going to explain the leg?”

“She’s seen me with the cane before. I’ll just tell her it’s the same injury.”

“It was the other leg.”

“Details. I’ll say I was injured on the job.”

“But not shot.”

“What kid needs to hear their dad was shot by sensitive, tattooed punks?”

“So you admit they’re sensitive.”

“Steven –“

“Hey, sounds like the cavalry’s here.”

“Jesus, how does a woman who looks like a strong wind could blow her over take down Dreads. He has to be over two hundred pounds.”

“Kono has a keen sense of leverage.”

“Ah, there’s Chin and his shotgun. That’s a fine sight.”

“Holy –“

“Duck!”

“Danny?” “Steven?”

“My ears are ringing.”

“What?”

“Steven? You better be invincible.”

“Wait, what? Eh, you might have to come up with a better story for Gracie.”

“Dammit.”

“Hey, Brahs, you in here?”

“Couldn’t you have taken down the Magnificent Seven before they threw the grenade?”

“Good to see you too, Danny. Leg the worst of it?”

“Think so.”

“Boss, you’re looking some banged up there.”

“Kono, nice moves with Dreads.”

“Bigger they are. Cuz, ambulance just pulled up. I’ll show them in.”

“HPD will be following or leading it. I’ll hand off your playmates to them.”

“Think we should take up a different leisure activity, Danno.”

“Playing dolls with Gracie looks good.”

“There’s an image.”

“Next time - ”

“There’s not going to be a next time.”

“Steven, seriously?”

“All right. Next time.”

“Next time, I’ll avoid the derogatory, but accurate remarks and you avoid kicking.”

“Precision kicking.”

“Precision kicking, and thank you for pulling me out of that mess.”

“Likewise, Danny.”

[identity profile] harrigan.livejournal.com 2011-03-04 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
"Your ties do come in handy."

[snerk!]

What a fun challenge! You totally made it work, too!

[identity profile] 1-rhiannon-1.livejournal.com 2011-03-04 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
I like it! :o)

[identity profile] 1-rhiannon-1.livejournal.com 2011-03-04 06:49 pm (UTC)(link)
I watched the first episode to see Norman Reedus but, after that, I just lost track with it. I should probably give it another shot - it wasn't that I didn't like it, I just ran out of steam, I think. But yeah, this story was excellent - there are some great one-liners in there! Cracked me up!

[identity profile] sharpes-hussy.livejournal.com 2011-03-05 12:45 am (UTC)(link)
This is soooooooooooooooooo Steve and Danny dialog........

It reminds me of the episode where they were protecting some third world dictator, his wife and son............
and had hold up in Steve's bungalow which was turned into Swiss cheese by the time
the fire fight was over.............

Thanks!!!!!!!

BTW if the dictator was on his way to testify in DC why did the C5 not just refuel at Hickam and keep moving.
Oh I know..............there would not have been any story had they done that
:D

[identity profile] sharpes-hussy.livejournal.com 2011-03-06 09:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Plausibility is not a requirement

My cousin who worked in the biz as a set designer called it
"movie license"
Jerry is also the one who reminded me I looked at things too logically........
I guess nit pickers do eh??
:D

[identity profile] khek.livejournal.com 2011-03-05 02:43 am (UTC)(link)
Heh. Fun!