shallowz

Title: The First and Only Time John Almost Sold the Impala

Author: shallowz

Fandom: Supernatural

Rating: G

Characters: John, Dean, Sam, Impala

Warnings/spoilers: “In My Time of Dying”, pre-series

Word count: around 1,300

Disclaimer: Supernatural is not ours. No profit being made … etc.

The Winchesters had been on the road going on four months when John found himself staring at the Impala out of the latest motel window.

The Impala burned gas. Sucked it down in a deservedly greedy way. It was a tough car. It held what was left of their possessions. They fit in that car.

Still, it burned too much gas.

It had to go.

John ignored the gut-wrenching feeling that decision caused as he turned away from the window to look at his sons sharing one of the double beds. They were a little pile of humanity lost within the blankets. He had to think of them. Sam was coming up to his first birthday. Dean would start school this year. He needed to conserve the money they had, and trading the gas-guzzling Impala in for a more fuel-efficient car was the smart thing to do.

The smart thing hurt.

------

The next morning he readied the boys and got them in the Impala. As he slid behind the wheel, he thought about the fact that this was the last time he was going to drive this car.

Dean settled Sammy and himself into the backseat. After four months they had a system down, and didn’t need any help from John. Dean would get them set up for a long drive with everything they needed within easy reach.

For Sam, this had become a daily routine, and he didn’t know or remember anything different. The car was just as much of a play area as it had been for Dean. Only for Sam, it wasn’t so much of a choice as a necessity. One thing he shared with Dean was that he slept better in the Impala than he did in most of the hotels they had stayed. Both boys did. John had learned early on that if he had cranky kids on his hands, the best thing to do was check out quickly and get back on the road.

One of the things that could get him to smile these days was looking in the review mirror to see his boys curled together in the back seat and sleeping peacefully.

Taking a deep breath to attempt to rid himself of the ache in his chest, John started up the car and headed out.

He ran it through a car wash, and they took the long way to the car dealership. It was probably one of the few times he actually drove under the speed limit.

The Impala made an impression as it drove on the lot. This was a dealership that appreciated a well-maintained car. When she pulled up to the customer parking area, mechanics came out of the shop area upon hearing her deep throaty rumble.

“Daddy?”

John looked in the back seat to see Dean up on his knees looking around unsettled.

“Hey, buddy,” John said forcing a smile. “I’m going to go talk to some people, and see about getting us a bet …” He almost said ‘better’, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Need to see about getting a different car.”

“Different?” Dean asked anxiously.

Turning in his seat so he was facing Dean, John gently explained. “We need a car that gets better gas mileage. We’re going to be traveling a lot. This car just isn’t practical for a lot of travel.”

Dean cringed as if struck, and John thought he might lose it.

“Not have the ‘pala?” Dean questioned, as if to be clear on what John was saying.

John could actually see Dean go pale, his freckles showing up in ways that they shouldn’t. One of Dean’s hands started to stroke the seat in an almost comforting matter. John wasn’t sure if the comfort was for himself or for the car. In this case, it was probably both.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” John softly. There wasn’t much else to say, but he hated, just hated, that he caused his son to look like that.

Sammy must have picked up on his brother’s mood, and was worriedly watching Dean. One of his chubby hands gripped Dean’s t-shirt and didn’t let go. Dean, who was more than used to his little brother clinging to him, just let him be.

“No.”

It was spoken so softly that it took John a moment to connect that Dean had said something.

“What, Dean?”

“Love car,” Dean murmured not looking at John.

Dean was born in this car.

Should a five-year-old be able to lay the guilt on like that? Even worse, Dean wasn’t doing it on purpose.

“Dean…”

“Sammy came home in 'pala.”

Sammy was conceived in this car. Dean’s nesting instincts had him preparing the car to bring baby Sam home.

“Mommy’s car.”

That caused a rush of memories.

John had met Mary over this car. Their first time was on the hood of this car.

John could see a teardrop fall on Sammy’s hand. Sam was making distressed noises as he moved closer to his brother. If they moved together any closer, they’d be sharing clothing.

Sam looked at John in a way-too-adult manner. Big hazel eyes all earnest and accusing. John sighed. That was likely a sign of things to come.

Cruising around town, baby Dean humming in the back, and Mary sleeping in the passenger side.

“Home.”

Dean’s first steps were to this car.

John jerked himself around to face the windshield; he couldn’t look at Dean any longer. Distractedly, he noticed a man in a suit coming towards the car. Saw some of the mechanics making slow circles around the Impala. Vultures.

John started the car, and carefully pulled out of the lot to avoid running over any of the drooling gawkers. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t even get out of the car.

He couldn’t do this now, and could see that Dean would lapse back into that disturbing silence that was his way with coping with stress or trauma. His last sentences were already shorter and simpler than they had been. As far as Dean was concerned, losing the Impala would be stressful and traumatic. If he were truly honest with himself, John wouldn’t handle it any better. The Impala was so much of Mary.

Maybe when Dean was older and not so fragile, John would consider selling the Impala.

Then he looked into the review mirror and saw a teary smile aimed at him. And Sam? Sam was smiling again simply because Dean was no longer upset.

This wasn’t the life he wanted for his children, but he could already feel that what he wanted for them was no longer going to happen. John felt that they were safer on the move. He hadn’t heard the whispers or felt the darkness since they had left Lawrence behind. They didn’t have much left of their once idyllic life. The Impala was one of the last links to that life and Mary.

What were little creative exercises around the law compared to justifying a decision to his sons that even he couldn’t swallow? One day he might be able to face Dean’s heartbreak and Sam’s concerned, pissed off look, but it wasn’t today.

Right now, he needed to look in the review mirror.

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